maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
