The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Im at strip club and am horny
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
