An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
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Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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