it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
