I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
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For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
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I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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