He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
