I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
