it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Banned from zoo.
Again?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
