I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
