i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
