you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
