She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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