you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
