I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
