Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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