So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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