so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
