taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
