You kept calling me your small dog last night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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