I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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