My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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