he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
