If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
