The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
