we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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