2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
