ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
