Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
