It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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