He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
