Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
