So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
