Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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