Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
