Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
