so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
