It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
