I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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