Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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