Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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