Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
