A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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