I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
