And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
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He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
its liver damage thursday
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