I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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