I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
