We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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