I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
