hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
