my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Is it because I queefed?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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