my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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