so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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