then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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