All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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