You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
