There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Come see our sink grown plant.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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