Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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