"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
