He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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