How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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