So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize