If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
