I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I pour the whiskey from now on
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
