They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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