i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
