I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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