I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Text me some of your sweat
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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