Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
