saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
