cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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