Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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