It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
